Revolution is not going to look good on my resume, so I thought.
There are two types of women you meet in the Corporate America. One who will help other women to move ahead, and one who will try to block you at every step. I had to learn to work with both of them.
Recently I was bullied out of a creative project I had been waiting for a long time. I am not going to name the person responsible, because she is still alive and may be among my readers. Let’s call her the Triple-X lady. I’m sure every office has one like her.
Triple-X is a classic case of the competitive corporate bitch. She picked me out from day one. I don’t know what actually turned her divine attention to me: maybe my designer portfolio or the cool French outfit with matching Prada boots that I was wearing when I met her, but I remember how her thin lips came together in a jealous, friendly smile.
Whatever it was, she could not get over it, and tried to put me down every chance she got, until finally she found a real opportunity. In a conversation with our Creative Director she mention, that I was not always politically correct in the high profile Brand Team meetings she and I were attending, and so I was not a good person to represent the Graphics Department. Triple-X never provided evidence, and nobody from the Brand Team had ever complained about me. Because she had a higher position and had worked longer for the company, however, the Creative Director decided to remove me from the project, without even listening to my side of the story.
I was crushed, as you can imagine. In my mind I fantasized a million ways I could get revenge. But, in reality, what choices did I have? Go to HR and fight until I was at my wits’ end trying to prove that I am not a political assassin in high profile company meetings? I know for a fact that in 99% of the cases HR people take the side of the senior manager, and in the end I would be labeled as a conflict-prone individual and a good candidate for the next round of layoffs.
When I got home I told my roommate Paul what had happened. He thought for a moment and then, as usual, came up with a great idea.
Don’t take it seriously, baby; just treat it as a game. Let’s name our operation, “Kill the Corporate Bully with LOVE.” All evening we were laughing and plotting an intimate LOVE revenge.
The next day I met Triple-X in the restroom. I gave her a loving doggy look and asked with a soft friendly voice how she was doing today. She turned to me with her mean face and fake smile and replied that, at the moment, she was dying from happiness. I have to say that her wittiness took me by surprise, but I did not lose sight of my plan. Happiness is a great thing, I immediately replied, and I was really Happy to see her Happy. I then went on and on about her outfit, which made her look thinner then she really is.
As I recited all that flattering bullshit I noticed that her eyes were starting to twitch and that she was trying to inch closer to the door, but there was no way since I was standing between her and the exit. Then something unexpected happened. I moved slightly forward and for a moment it was like we almost kissed. We were both stunned for a second, and then she finally exited the restroom. For the rest of the day she tried to avoid me.
Every day I made it my business to visit her office with compliments and different offerings. Luckily, in the previous week Triple-X had had a birthday, and I presented her with a wonderful gift. By way of background, Paul and I had been keeping two bottles of Czech whiskey that Paul had gotten from his father. Paul’s father gave them to us with the secret wish that, after drinking this substance, Paul would never touch alcohol again. Actually, it worked. We had one bottle open that we kept for special occasions and as a defense against unexpected guests. The second bottle found a home in the office of Triple-X. God help her.
In the meantime I am focusing on doing good work and on my relations with the Creative Director. I hope to get my project back some time soon.I think Triple-X will not be plotting against me in the near future, because if she does, I will finally catch her somewhere among the cubicles and for sure give her my Kiss .